Lack of sleep

I read this in the National Post tonight at work, and maybe it's the fact that I'm sleep deprived, but I found it very amusing:

The appetizer is just an excuse for another meal. It would be embarrassing trying to explain appetizers to people from a starving country. Yeah, that's food we have before we have our food. Dessert? Oh that's food we have after we have our food. Yeah we eat tons of food. Sometimes it's so much we just stick in a box, then put it in a bag, then bring it home and throw it out the next day.

And here's one for you muffin lovers:

I like cake too, but you can't have cake for breakfast. Unless it's a pancake. How did that slide through? We all know that cake is bad for you. Sometimes we try to diguise the fact that we're eating cake. "It's breakfast, I can't eat cake, I'll just have a muffin". You know the difference between a cake and a muffin? Nothing. A muffin is a bald cupcake. Have you seen those mini-muffins? How much denial are you in if you're eating a mini-muffin? "Oh I'm just gonna have like 1 or 12, theyr'e so small they don't really count. They're like muffin vitamins."

And finally for the bread lovers:

I enjoy bread, but when I go out to dinner, suddently I crave bread. "Bread! They got bread here? We should have bread at home. We've gotta get the recipe for bread." You ever go to a restaurant and eat the whole basket of bread? It's kind of awkward asking the waiter for seconds on bread. "Yeah, can we have some more of that free bread? And you can cancel my entree, I'm just gonna load up on the bread."

I hope you enjoyed it as much as me. If not, maybe try staying up past 5 am and then read it again - I'm sure it'll be funny then.